John Steinbeck’s lettre to his son: on love and how nothing good gets away

On our first weekly showcase of famous lettres from history, we have John Steinbeck writing to his son—“If it is right, it happens—The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.”

In his 1958 lettre written from New York, the author of the Nobel Literature Prize winning Grapes of Wrath writes to his son and poignantly describes the two kinds of love that one can experience in their lifetime—the selfish, egotistical kind that is ugly and crippling, and the other an outpouring of kindness, consideration and respect.

A dignified, respectful and quietly calming reply to his son's questions of what he's feeling, Steinbeck's lettre goes down in history as an exemplary parenting lesson with a hint of the prose that made the author one of the true literary greats of the 20th century.

Here’s the full text:

John Steinbeck's lettre to his son

_________________________________________________________________________________________

New York

November 10, 1958

Dear Thom:

We had your letter this morning. I will answer it from my point of view and of course Elaine will from hers.

First—if you are in love—that’s a good thing—that’s about the best thing that can happen to anyone. Don’t let anyone make it small or light to you.

Second—There are several kinds of love. One is a selfish, mean, grasping, egotistical thing which uses love for self-importance. This is the ugly and crippling kind. The other is an outpouring of everything good in you—of kindness and consideration and respect—not only the social respect of manners but the greater respect which is recognition of another person as unique and valuable. The first kind can make you sick and small and weak but the second can release in you strength, and courage and goodness and even wisdom you didn’t know you had.

You say this is not puppy love. If you feel so deeply—of course it isn’t puppy love.

But I don’t think you were asking me what you feel. You know better than anyone. What you wanted me to help you with is what to do about it—and that I can tell you.

Glory in it for one thing and be very glad and grateful for it.

The object of love is the best and most beautiful. Try to live up to it.

If you love someone—there is no possible harm in saying so—only you must remember that some people are very shy and sometimes the saying must take that shyness into consideration.

Girls have a way of knowing or feeling what you feel, but they usually like to hear it also.

It sometimes happens that what you feel is not returned for one reason or another—but that does not make your feeling less valuable and good.

Lastly, I know your feeling because I have it and I’m glad you have it.

We will be glad to meet Susan. She will be very welcome. But Elaine will make all such arrangements because that is her province and she will be very glad to. She knows about love too and maybe she can give you more help than I can.

And don’t worry about losing. If it is right, it happens—The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.

Love,

Fa